God, I hate dumb punks. 

Anyhow, my pal said he wanted to take what I had to say, and put it up here.  Hey, what a guy!  But you know, he keeps callin' me "Mayor", for some freakin' reason.  And Christ, what's this "Unhollywood", anyway?  He keeps goin' on and on about it.  Sometimes I think maybe he's had just a couple too many. 

Which brings me to something about horror movies.  You know, Linda Blair type stuff.  She's the greatest!  And I just wanna say... 

Blair, Which Project 

the hell was it I saw up on the screen?  Christ!  People keep talking about this great movie, and what I want to know is, where the hell was it?!  The one they saw must have been a different freakin' movie completely!  Someone told me it wasn't even Linda Blair who was playing that crazy girl.  Christ!  Not Linda Blair?  How stupid can you get! 

Anyway, it was just this freakin' home video about campers, doing this bad trip.  Jeez, I've done worse camping trips myself!  They got so spooked by nothin' - just a randy raccoon or some dumb punk drooling outside - that they start running around and get lost.  And they keep crossing this same goddamn stream!  I get so I wanna reach out and take hold of these numbskulls, and say "hey, start following the goddamn stream!  Don't keep crossing it, FOLLOW IT!  Every goddamn stream has gotta go SOMEWHERE!" 

Sheesh! 

So what's wrong with kids these days, anyway?  Not only are those campers total nitwits, but the kids watching this dopey fiasco claim they're actually SCARED.  Oooohhhh, bwaaahhh, I'm so SCARED!  Well, I guess the truth is - that maybe they're dumb punks.  Just a bunch of dumb punks!   Especially the ones in the movie. 

So it guess it must not have been Linda up there, after all.  Sorry, Linda. 
 

The management regrets that it cannot take responsibility for the accuracy, taste, or even basic logic of the statements of Mr. Plastic Sides.